Just want connected] intimacy

It has been a long jorney recovering from spinal reconstruction and a broken oeg and then covid hit.I am having to figure out what my body can and cant to and I am self conscious about incision/scar that remain. I realize I am not a young but if anything I get I am resilent.I just want to figure out how I can do all the
things I enjoy.

I .consider myself successful and present very understated and even a bit (sometimes a lot) shy at first. I have a whole other side that most never see. I like to let go, get wild . I am open to boundaries being challenged. I like chemical enhancers ( 4 me, if u don’t do it’s ok) as long as Ifeel safe &respected.

My ideal interaction is a special experience, w/ a dominant alpha top, masculine and intense sexual energy.boyfriend claims his property (me) . We connect in a way beyond physical .Its emotionally connected, he claims my butt and fists me looking into my eyes, deep kissing me and tells me I need to open & surrender. I do.Not in2 pain