A: Denial.
A: Those with a keen eye for the intricacies that define one’s lifestyle might describe mine as “a refreshing exercise in queer postmodern deconstruction: a flagrant farce and affront to hegemony. It is characterized by its nutty, fruit-forward bouquet, well-balanced body (somehow ambitious yet casual), earthy and spiced undertones, notes of leather and Callery Pear blossom, and smooth and curious finish.”
Tremendously versatile, effervescent, and easy, this lifestyle pairs nicely with pork of all kinds, aged beef, some nuts and most fruits, and anything cheesy. Best served when chilled. 🥂 Cheers!
A: Graduate school. 'Nuff said.
A: I love to cook, sing, create art, enjoy performing arts, and spend time with my dog, Ollie. I am an activist for social justice, and work to integrate change making practices into most every aspect of my life.
A: 5280 steps at a time.
A: Me. Friends and family typically use ME as the meeting point when large crowds make finding one another difficult. I'm one hell of a big dude.
A: I travel as much as possible. I truly enjoy exploring the world. Though the actual act of traveling is often painful for me (my body doesn't easily into the seating in most modes of transportation), I don't let it get me down. I'm happy to fold myself into whatever itty bitty seat is necessary so long as I get to crack open a new corner of the world.
A: I’m pretty sure my real biological father is a Muppet. It is only speculation at this point because of the ongoing controversy around Muppet-Human genetic research* [see footnote], but it would certainly explain my ongoing struggles with finger-typing and text-messaging, general ineptitude when it comes to utensil holding, why my mom’s “craft room” was always off limits, and shed some light on my natural tendency to widely open my mouth, throw my head back, and wiggle my arms when laughing or excited.
*From what I've read on MormonMuppet.org and other human-puppet ancestry websites, reliable Muppet DNA testing is still years away. Advances in Muppet DNA research and testing have come to a standstill due to funding restrictions under Trump-administration’s anti-Muppet “Fearless Furless Felt-Free America” policies. Shortly after the White House conference on (fabricated) Muppet fur and felt clogging the nation’s DNA testing equipment, the NIH seized all documents and ended all activities related to the Bunson Honeydew Project. Ironically, the project would have made M-DNA testing possible via a revolutionary furless and felt-free M-DNA extraction methodology.
A: I would likely take some time to contemplate and prepare my answer. Then, I would look deep into your eyes, and tell you the uncomfortable and gritty truth. "I've got sand in my ass-crack," I would likely tell you. "Yeah, this is the ONE reason why I should have worn a swimsuit. Speaking of...why are you wearing yours?"
A: Though there are parts of my body that I am certainly fond of, I enjoy my creative and critical mind and passionate spirit more. My commitment to make the world a better place is what drives me. I like that a lot.
A: Though I may resemble a Viking, I’m more like an Ewok on the inside. Similar outfits though.
A: I can’t live without my family, my friends, my dog Ollie, and the Muppets. Oh, and oxygen.