Q: What distinguishes you from all the other people you know?
A: I have an unusual job
Q: What do you do for fun?
A: Answer cute questionnaires in an effort to get you to look at my profile and call me before you finish yourself off on my pictures. If I'm shameless enough to touch this interview, just imagine what I'd be willing to do for you.
Q: What would you say are your greatest attributes?
A: A sharp tongue and enough cheek to keep it in
Q: What kind of diet and fitness regimen do you follow?
A: Don't worry, I suffer
Q: What are your lifestyle specifics that makes who you are?
A: Oh man. You're looking at it.
Q: What do you enjoy most about yourself?
A: The price! I give myself a very generous discount
Q: What are 5 things you can’t live without?
A: 1. The knowledge that I'm less self-satisfied than anyone who thought it was clever to answer this question with "A, E, I, O, and U"
2. You
3. YOU
4. YOU!!! <3
5. The ability to sell any lie with enough repetition