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OTTOmobileMATE's Pornstar Interview

My Pornstar Interview


Thanks for pulling into my shop! Wait, don't pull out (yet)!!

Here at the Otto Mobile Ѕεrvicε Center™, newer models, hotrods, muscle cars, and classic roadsters alike receive the same attention to detail and responsive care. It doesn’t matter what the odometer reads, whether you're a little rusty, or you are driving with a spare tire for a while, give me a few minutes under your hood, and I'll have you revved up, with engine purring, and ready to rule the road!

STOP IN for a quick pit stop.
SCHEDULE routine maintenance.
REQUEST specialized detail work.
BOOK an overnight/extended restorative package.
INQUIRE about anything!

Though my sεrvicε is truly mobile,
Work done in-shop is just as noble.
Be it here or there, it's all the same,
Driving away, you'll be glad you came!
Q: What are your lifestyle specifics that makes who you are?

A: Those with a keen eye for the intricacies that define one’s lifestyle might describe mine as “a refreshing exercise in queer postmodern deconstruction: a flagrant farce and affront to hegemony. It is characterized by its nutty, fruit-forward bouquet, well-balanced body (somehow ambitious yet casual), earthy and spiced undertones, notes of leather and Callery Pear blossom, and smooth and curious finish.”
Tremendously versatile, effervescent, and easy, this lifestyle pairs nicely with pork of all kinds, aged beef, some nuts and most fruits, and anything cheesy. Best served when chilled. 🥂 Cheers!

Q: Tell us about the best experience you have had in life.

A: Graduate school. 'Nuff said.

Q: What are your hobbies, what do you like to do in your spare time?

A: I love to cook, sing, create art, enjoy performing arts, and spend time with my dog, Ollie. I am an activist for social justice, and work to integrate change making practices into most every aspect of my life.

Q: How do you go the 'Extra Mile' in your life?

A: 5280 steps at a time.

Q: What distinguishes you from all the other people you know?

A: Me. Friends and family typically use ME as the meeting point when large crowds make finding one another difficult. I'm one hell of a big dude.

Q: How often do you travel? Do you prefer to travel or are you more of a homebody?

A: I travel as much as possible. I truly enjoy exploring the world. Though the actual act of traveling is often painful for me (my body doesn't easily into the seating in most modes of transportation), I don't let it get me down. I'm happy to fold myself into whatever itty bitty seat is necessary so long as I get to crack open a new corner of the world.

Q: What would you like your readers to know about you that is unique and even a bit personal?

A: I’m pretty sure my real biological father is a Muppet. It is only speculation at this point because of the ongoing controversy around Muppet-Human genetic research* [see footnote], but it would certainly explain my ongoing struggles with finger-typing and text-messaging, general ineptitude when it comes to utensil holding, why my mom’s “craft room” was always off limits, and shed some light on my natural tendency to widely open my mouth, throw my head back, and wiggle my arms when laughing or excited.

*From what I've read on MormonMuppet.org and other human-puppet ancestry websites, reliable Muppet DNA testing is still years away. Advances in Muppet DNA research and testing have come to a standstill due to funding restrictions under Trump-administration’s anti-Muppet “Fearless Furless Felt-Free America” policies. Shortly after the White House conference on (fabricated) Muppet fur and felt clogging the nation’s DNA testing equipment, the NIH seized all documents and ended all activities related to the Bunson Honeydew Project. Ironically, the project would have made M-DNA testing possible via a revolutionary furless and felt-free M-DNA extraction methodology.

Q: If we sat on the beach and drank wine and ate great food just you and I, what would you tell me about yourself and your life?

A: I would likely take some time to contemplate and prepare my answer. Then, I would look deep into your eyes, and tell you the uncomfortable and gritty truth. "I've got sand in my ass-crack," I would likely tell you. "Yeah, this is the ONE reason why I should have worn a swimsuit. Speaking of...why are you wearing yours?"

Q: What do you enjoy most about yourself?

A: Though there are parts of my body that I am certainly fond of, I enjoy my creative and critical mind and passionate spirit more. My commitment to make the world a better place is what drives me. I like that a lot.

Q: What should others absolutely know about you?

A: Though I may resemble a Viking, I’m more like an Ewok on the inside. Similar outfits though.

Q: What are 5 things you can’t live without?

A: I can’t live without my family, my friends, my dog Ollie, and the Muppets. Oh, and oxygen.


Location: New York City, NY
I am traveling to:
Near travel Provincetown, MA
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